High Heels and Lipstick
Okay, I have a confession to make. I am physically in the worst shape I’ve EVER been in. (Unless you count the time that I was going through postpartum depression which you can read about here– https://wp.me/saQCV7-adrift , and here– https://wp.me/paQCV7-E. Fair warning… It’s dark) I’m freaking out of shape y’all!! I weigh more now than I did when I was full-term preggers with my 10lb 4oz son! I have to remind myself that I had a bit of a battle with my depression not too long ago and it took a toll on me mentally and physically. The key is to get back on that horse baby! Which is what I’ve been doing and writing about the last 6mo. It took me longer this time to get where I am now mentally. I had been taking a very low dose of an antidepressant that had worked for years, yo! YEARS! I didn’t think I could fall as low as I did again, but I did. This depression thing isn’t for sissies’ people. I finally had to bite the bullet and go see my doctor to talk about adjusting my meds. I should have done this a long time ago. Even now, after going through all that I’ve gone through with this illness, I STILL occasionally feel shame for having to seek help. I hate that society has yet to accept depression as just another treatable illness. Guuuys… that’s all it is! People live with it every day! But we shouldn’t be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. Once I got my meds adjusted and they kicked in I started to slowly feel better and better. I stated in my last post that I was feeling better… Well, guess what? This month I feel amazing. I had to up my dose of antidepressant and add a mild dose of another RX. I shouldn’t feel bad that this adjustment is helping me feel like myself again… I just shouldn’t. So, you know what? I don’t!! I just hope my brain isn’t pulling the placebo trick on me and making me believe this new treatment is helping me when it really isn’t and then I end up back at square one. It could happen…. It HAS happened. I really should seek out a therapist just to double up on my fight against depression but good counselors, that you click with, are so hard to find.
(Author of quote above Unknown… but thank you! This is so true!)
Now that I feel better the only problem is… I’m paying for all the bad treatment I put my body through during my down time. I don’t fit in my clothes. I don’t feel good physically. I’m not nearly as strong as I used to be. It takes a lot out of me to do a work out because I’m not used to it. I’m carrying around about 25 extra pounds. It’s frustrating because the ‘me’ 4 years ago could run laps around the ‘me’ today. I was in the best shape of my life about five years ago. It annoys me that I physically can’t do the things I used to be able to do (with ease) a few years ago. But, on the positive side…. I know I can do all of that again because I’ve done it before. It just takes work! In the words of Brittney Spears
“You better work bitch”
Seriously, The first pic is me in 2014/15…ish. I looked and felt really good! The second is from a few days ago. Now, I don’t want people (especially my kids) to think I’m body shaming…(myself?) because I don’t feel shame for the way I look right now. I just don’t feel good, physically. I don’t fit in my favorite summer shorts. In fact… I wear a lot of leggin’s, elastic waist skirts, and dresses right now. I don’t think I look horrible… I just don’t feel like myself. And yes people, I want to feel sexy… call me anti-feminist if you want. That couldn’t be further from the truth! But if wanting to be and feel sexy is anti-feminist, so be it. I like looking like a confident, sexy, smart, strong, and classy with a little sassy. I don’t see that as a bad thing.
So… to help myself feel better I’m doing things I like. Hence the title. I like wearing lipstick! I have about ten different shades in my purse, no joke. I love it. It makes me happy, so I’ve been wearing it nonstop. I think I get it from my grandma. She loved bright pink lipstick and it looked beautiful on her. The other thing I like is wearing heels. Granted, I can’t wear them for as long as I used to… I have bunion y’all. Bunions… ugh. Age does crazy things to the human body. Anyway, I call it “Half-day, Heel Day.” I wear heels when I work half days or if I work full days, I take a backup pair of flats for round two of my work day. I love heels. They make my legs look sexy and the make me feel hot…ish. For a 44 yr old. In fact, I was wearing heels yesterday and a female… I repeat, A FEMALE told me I had nice legs. Getting a compliment from a female that isn’t a friend (however really close friends tell you when you look good AND when you don’t) are hard to come by, so when you do, they are usually for realsies.
All that being said/written, I’m so excited guys! I started running again and my girls and I started a summer fitness challenge that we love… although we are all super sore. It’s called Blogilates Summer Sculpt Challenge. We workout nightly together. It’s fun, good for us, and I love bonding time with my kids. Also, I recently bought a hands-free leash so I can run with my dog and he loves it as much as I do. I wish I could explain to you how excited I am to run and work out again… I’ve been mentally unable to feel like working out or running. I had to force myself. I dreaded it and I hated it during the work out. It was awful. Now I feel like I used to. Guys, I used to workout 3 to 4 x per week… and I loved it. When my two oldest were young I’d run 3 to 5 miles, 4 to 5 x a week or swim a mile at least 3 x per week. I used to do yoga and step aerobics. I used to lift weights with a trainer. I loved all of it! I couldn’t get it back this time. I stopped doing everything to stay physically fit. It literally took all I had in me to do any kind of workout. But I feel like I’m back and I couldn’t be happier about it!!!
Here are my goals for June…
- I swore off my weekend beer ☹ for now. I love beer! But, with the exception of our annual dance family party and a weekend in Vegas with my oldest girl and a BNL (a concert)… no beer. I may incorporate it back into weekends in July, but we will see. When I feel good, the way I do now, I only drink for fun. When I’m sick it’s a different story… I’ve learned when I need to be more careful. I pay way more attention now.
- Blogilates Summer Fitness Challenge. Check it out. It’s on youtube and super fun! Ill put the link to the first one here… https://youtu.be/YdnqNGcmhqA
- Intermittent Fasting. I’m just trying this one. I’m good at intermittent fasting because I’m not much of a breakfast eater. I stop eating at 8pm and start eating again at lunchtime the next day. So far its worked okay and I’ve lost 2 pounds. 🙂
- Counting calories with My Fitness Pal. This really helps me be more mindful when eating throughout the day. It also track macronutrients.
- Running with my dog. Just a mile or two per day to start. We both have to get used to running together and to the hands-free leash.
- Reading, Writing and singing. Because….. that’s why 🙂
Bring it on June…. See you in a few weeks y’all.